... a whirlwind of thoughts ...
... a thousand thanks ...
this past weekend has been an interesting one. lemme think of where to begin...
hows about i start with the Lions 2006. we made the playoffs this year... it was the first time i've ever been in the playoffs in the senior division, so that on its own was nerve-racking. our team pulled together, really worked together and came out winning the first round. in the second round, we were the clear underdogs... if the statistics didn't prove it, the sheer size difference between ourselves and charis woulda told you so. and yet, we didn't let it get to us... we played our game and we stuck together, picking one another up when we were down, cheering one another on, and building a plethora of memories (i.e. kevin's bomb of a first-ever home run over center field)... so what if we lost by 1 in the bottom of the eighth... we gave it all we got and showed them that we were a team to contend with... :) and with being knocked out of the playoffs, that brought the 2006 season to an end. it was an honour to be a Lion this year... and i'm glad that i played with the people i played with. kinda sad to see the season end relatively abruptly, but i look forward to the 2007 season all the more. here's hoping that the friendships that began back in april/may will continue on into the next 8-9 months until the next season starts up again. :)
this past friday marked the last official big group meeting of etcbc titus fellowship. it was a long evening, filled with worship, games, and sharing... a relatively warm evening as well being in the basement of the church with little to no ventilation in the room. and yet the feeling you got being in the room on that night really echoed the feeling i had when i first stepped into titus fellowship (then known simply as university fellowship) in september 2004. there was a genuine sense of love and compassion for one another... you could really see and FEEL that people cared for one another... it was one of those bittersweet nights.
lemme delve into further detail and share a bit of what's been on my heart as of late. for me, titus splitting into small groups for the coming semester really has been bittersweet. when i first walked into titus fellowship two years ago, you really could sense and see the love that people had for one another. it was so evident and it was something that i guess i never really witnessed back in my old church. it was something that really drew me into the fellowship. even the encouragement that i got that night when i shared and wanted to simply encourage the fellowship to continue to draw closer to one another, cuz what they had was really great and you could really see how God had blessed this fellowship and looked on it with great favour. for ME to get encouraged and thanked for saying that spoke volumes of the kind of care and compassion these people had for one another.
needless to say, i was quickly drawn into the fellowship and really cared for, despite not attending regularly, and not really being part of the church. i would hear on sundays how people would ask about me and be really disappointed when i wasn't there on sundays. and when i finally made the decision to come regularly to etcbc, sharing with the girls cell group and seeing their faces light up when i told them of my decision... and even getting a card encouraging me as i make the move, and sharing in the difficulty of such decision really hit home to me, being loved in such a way that i had never really experienced nor expected.
in attending etcbc regularly, and really committing more of myself and my time to titus fellowship, i have really grown to love the fellowship and the people in it. i know that differences come up and bumps in the road occur, but it really has become a place i can truly call home.. where i can be me, where i can grow, where i can be challenged, where i can be vulnerable. in the past year alone i've grown so much closer to so many brothers and sisters in Christ, and i've really been able to be in be in community with them. i really do see them as my family, and i'm so glad to be a part of a group that truly exemplifies Christ's love to one another.
and thus bringing us to the momentus occasion of friday night. this past friday was pretty much the last big group meeting of titus fellowship before we head off into our solely our small groups every week till the end of the year. while i do love my small group, don't get me wrong or anything... it was in all honesty hard for me to grasp and embrace the idea of small groups all the time. there was (and i guess sometimes still is) a very big part of me that just wants us all to stay together as a big group... that way i can still see everyone... still get that opportunity to see everyone and hang out with everyone and have the potential of growing close to everyone... not just those in my small group. i was happy being able to see people every friday AND sunday... getting to talk to them and have dinner with them and what not... and now, well with the start of small groups every week, i feel as though i'm parting with some of my family... which in essence is quite the heart-wrenching, and frightening at the same time. *single tear*
but when i step back, i realize how far titus has come in the past 3 years of it's existence. i see that this is what the fellowship needs. and while i've only been there for a year and a bit... some of the people have been there for the full three years, and they need to enter into a new chapter of fellowshipping... one that's more focused on small groups... they need to have smaller groups so that everyone can take ownership... they need to feel as though they have a voice and a purpose in the fellowship rather than just letting committee do everything. and while i have my own desires, my own needs, my own wants with regards to fellowship and titus, i need to put aside my own agenda and look to the needs of others... after all, love is sacrifice, is it not? nonetheless it's still a difficult part for me... as this was a group that i truly called my second family... something that i had been missing for much of my Christian walk... people to grow with, to learn with, to encourage, rebuke, challenge, and stretch with. but if i genuinely care for these people, then i need to lay aside my own wants and look to what they need for their walks. i need to show them the kind of love and compassion that's been shown me. i need to ... well ... be a blessing.
interests of others."
- philippians 2:1-4 -
"Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves."
- romans 12:10 -
and so, as we enter another season of change (doesn't seem to long ago that i went through this season last august as well...) i want to express my thanks and gratitude to titus fellowship. as difficult as it's been for all of us... and as difficult as it is for me to let go, i know full well that God's looking at this fellowship with favour... that His anointing is with us, and that His Spirit goes before us. and while we may not see each other as frequently as we used to as a big group, my prayer is that God would continue to mold us and to draw us closer to one another within our small groups and between/across our small groups. maybe this split is even more of a challenge for us (myself in particular) to be intentional with each other. if we're to maintain relationships with those outside of our small group, we really will have to be more intentional. i'm excited to see where God is leading and what He's got in store. i'm excited to see people putting their talents and gifts to use and growing in their faith and their respective walks with our Lord... and i'm excited to hear all the stories of the awesome things that God will be doing. and so as we approach our first week of small groups... our first friday of this new chapter in titus... just wanted to end off saying (and this goes out to each and every person in titus fellowship and lions... you've made more of a difference than you know... you are more of a blessing than you know...)
- philippians 1:3 -
thank you